Ranking Every Souls Boss
#129 - 100
The boss fights within the Souls series are some of the most compelling, dynamic and challenging in the industry. Many of them demand excellence when approached. They do not give quarter and we, the player, expect none. You must master the mechanics, persist through death, and, above all, learn from your mistakes in order to come out victorious. Regardless, some fights were clearly superior to others and, in order to make my opinions a little more balanced, I devised a five category, 50-point system to rank each of the bosses. The categories are Gameplay, Lore, Originality, Challenge, and Entertainment. Below, I go into detail about each category which I encourage you to read because it informs the bosses point totals. For example, Challenge is not just about how difficult it is but also about whether or not the difficulty is organic and fair (looking at you Ancient Dragon). Additionally, I'd like to note that I'm not including the Chalice Dungeon bosses on this list. Thanks for reading and please enjoy full list!
 |
| Dark Souls Characters by GiovanniMicarelli on Deviant Art |
Gameplay
This encompasses the actions that you're taking during a boss. Are you frantically trying to avoid attacks and desperately chuggin Estus or are you trying to dodge randomly falling platforms that will instantly kill you. The way that a fight utilizes interesting mechanics will increase this score such as the tense Executioner Chariot battle while poor design choices will hurt this score like the Bed of Chaos falling platforms.
Lore
Lore takes a few aspects of a fight into account. This include the quality of the backstory of the character, the amount of investment you have when facing them, and overall environment and aesthetics of a fight. Are you fighting some random dude in a nondescript cave with no pertinence to the story or are battling a legendary figure of old in a glorious cathedral? Much of the time, the quality of the location and relevance of the story can be enough to elevate a boss into excellence.
Originality
How original is the concept for this boss? Is this the same design that From Software used before or is it something fresh? A unique design goes a long way in making a boss memorable. Large dudes with big swords and growling, burning demons are fairly commonplace but can set themselves a part with interesting mechanics or move sets.
Challenge
Not only does this score take into account the actual difficulty of a boss but also how 'fair' it is. What this means is whether or not a player can anticipate and counter a bosses attacks, no matter how difficult they are. The best bosses are demanding in terms of reaction time but never unfair in either their move set or how much damage they do (looking at you Ancient Dragon).
Entertainment
This score is more about gut reaction to a boss. How much fun did I have when fighting it? Was it exciting and interesting? Did I get a rush of adrenaline when defeating it or was it merely a roadblock before getting to the better battles? It's hard to define and tabulate what gives certain encounters that elusive magic but some have it and some don't.
129. Graverobber, Varg, and Cerah - Dark Souls II: Crown of the Sunken King
Gameplay - 1.2 * Lore - 0 * Originality - 0 * Challenge - 1.5 * Entertainment - 0.5
Total - 3.2/50.0
What is there say about the worst boss in Souls history? This trio shouldn't even be considered a boss considering the fact that it's just three NPC phantoms that try to kill you.
The abject laziness of the design here is truly mind-boggling. It's not fun, it's not lore-friendly, it's not cool looking or exciting, it's not fit to be a part of Souls history. And it's not like one of these other, bottom of the barrel boss fights that you can just casually destroy. No, thanks to the innate randomness of fighting a NPC rather than a designed boss, it's utterly frustrating in its difficulty. In fact, this fight is so bad that it became a sort of inside joke to the Souls community. "That sucked," says one friend to another. He replies, "Well at least it's not as bad as the Gank Squad." Nodding, "Yeah, true. Screw that fight."
128. Prowling Magus & Congregation
Gameplay - 0.6 * Lore - 2.0 * Originality - 1.4 * Challenge - 0.2 * Entertainment - 0
Total - 4.2/50.0
A sorcerer, a pair of clerics and a bunch of crawling zombies. Apparently, this is what passed as 'boss' during the development of Dark Souls II. Honestly, if there was no boss fog in front of this random assortment of enemies, you wouldn't even realize that you're supposed to be fighting a boss. Boring, worthless, and the only reason that this thing didn't rank as the worst boss is because it's not as frustrating as the Gank Squad.
127. Royal Rat Authority
Gameplay - 0.2 * Lore - 0.6 * Originality - 2.4 * Challenge - 1.2 * Entertainment - 1.3
Total - 5.7/50.0
A bunch of rats that can petrify you. I mean, c'mon. Whacking away at rats until you kill enough of them to spawn their leader is about as engaging as cleaning fingernails. Sure, it's not something I had really fought before but it's also a something I never really want to fight again. If you're noticing a trend here, you'll notice that a bunch of Dark Souls II 'quantity over quality' bosses will be covered in the dregs of this list. Brace yourself.
126. Covetous Demon
Gameplay - 1.0 * Lore - 2.3 * Originality - 2.2 * Challenge - 0.5 * Entertainment - 1.8
Total - 7.8/50.0
This sad, Jabba the Hutt wannabe is just hungry. The possible story that he may be the lost king of Earthen Peak is interesting for about a second but that's all. Admittedly, it was mildly amusing the first time that you break the hanging urns with Hollows in them and watch him gobble them up, allowing you to literally just beat him to death with no resistance but that trick grows stale fast.
A blobby distraction that's only worth comment because he's so pathetic.
125. Witch of Hemwick
Gameplay - 0.4 * Lore - 2.3 * Originality - 3.7 * Challenge - 1.2 * Entertainment - 0.5
Total - 8.1/50.0
The first time trying to figure out the mechanics of this fight was fairly interesting. That's about as much that can be said about the Witch of Hemwick. Once you understand that there are two of them in the room and that they can go invisible, it just becomes the monotonous matter of finding them, hitting them until they disappear, and then doing over and over again until they die. The rastafarian inspired, sickle wielding monsters that she spawns are so slow that they never really catch you draining any sort of challenge from the fight.
124. The Bed of Chaos
Gameplay - 0 * Lore - 5.9 * Originality - 2.4 * Challenge - 0 * Entertainment - 0
Total - 8.3/50.0
Universally acknowledged as the worst boss in the original Dark Souls, the Bed of Chaos had a lot going for it before entering the fog gate. It is the source of all demons, the transformed Witch of Izalith, and the reason for the fall of Lost Izalith. Unfortunately, that's where the positive aspects of this boss stop. Once you breach the fog gate you're treated to a hilariously bad sliding animation and dropped into an arena with a giant stick figure. Slowly you figure out that you need to bust the right and left limbs, but it's not going to be that easy. Oh no, now the floor will crumble beneath you blocking your path as the random slam attacks can easily, and with great frustration, send you flying into one of the newly opened death traps. And just as the final, 'screw you' cherry on top, to end the fight you have to jump on to an off-center platform in one of the pits. Good luck.
123. Dragon God
Gameplay - 0.5 * Lore - 4.5 * Originality - 2.5 * Challenge - 0.5 * Entertainment - 1.3
Total - 9.3/50.0
Similar to the Bed of Chaos in the bizarre and frustrating design of 'run here, activate this while boss tries to kill you', Dragon God is another major let down in design and hype. The opening cinematic of Demon's Souls (which is still
one of the best dark fantasy cinematics of all time) ends with the Dragon God emerging at the top of a castle. Unfortunately, the fight is literally nothing like that with the player simply running between two ballista and shooting him while he angrily attempts to one-shot you. A tiny bit more entertaining than the Bed of Chaos because at least you can avoid his attacks unlike the randomly falling floor of the Bed fight.
122. Pinwheel
Gameplay - 1.5 * Lore - 3.7 * Originality - 3.2 * Challenge - 0.5 * Entertainment - 0.6
Total - 9.5/50.0
Pinwheel comes in as a close second to the worst boss in the original Dark Souls. However, instead of bad design plagueing the battle, Pinwheel suffers from the fact that he was meant as an early game boss that no one ever fights until much later in the game. Beyond that, it's just not a very dynamic fight with the whole spawning copies gimmick similar to the Fool's Idol but with less panache. Commonly, the boss can only survive two or three hits from players who just felled the mighty Ornstein and Smough. Just a boring pit stop before heading into the Tomb of the Giants.
121. Crystal Sage
Gameplay - 2.0 * Lore - 3.4 * Originality - 0.5 * Challenge - 2.1 * Entertainment - 1.8
Total - 9.8/50.0
Speaking of overused gimmicks, here's another example of the boss spawning copies of itself during the fight and it's still not even close to the original Fool's Idol fight from Demon's Souls. The dilapidated flowing robes are more than reminscent of Big Hat Logan when combined with the crystal magic that it uses. As one of the two Crystal Sages (you fight the next one in the Grand Archives and he's not a boss, shockingly), they've got some small bits of lore throughout the world that are moderately intriguing. Still, that's not enough to bring this poor, copycat boss any higher on this list.
120. Elana, the Squalid Queen
Gameplay - 2.5 * Lore - 5.7 * Originality - 1.0 * Challenge - 1.5 * Entertainment - 0.8
Total - 11.5/50.0
Ugh, I don't even like talking about this wench, let alone having to write a paragraph about her. First of all,
she's literally Souls sloppy seconds, stealing the look of Nashandra, the skeletons from Nito and even an entire other boss in the form of Velstadt. Then she's frustrating as all get out to actually defeat because of her highly damaging magic attacks, her propensity to teleport, and her summoning a bunch of minions to protect her. The fact that she's a sliver of the Abyss that escaped into one of the four kingdoms after the defeat of Manus is perhaps the only reason that she's not a complete disaster. But a neat backstory can only go so far and the irritating and lazy nature of the fight is practically unbearable.
119. Dragonrider
Gameplay - 2.4 * Lore - 3.2 * Originality - 3.0 * Challenge - 1.2 * Entertainment - 1.8
Total - 11.6/50.0
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the snoozeville boss fight where you're more likely to die because you're falling asleep at the controller than actually getting hit by this guy. The entire fight is you circling his right side and hitting him once. I don't think I've ever been killed or even hit more than once by this guy. The only mechanic of note here is that, as you progress through the level, after you kill specific enemies, levers will protrude from the ground and, if you pull them, they will increase the size of the Dragonriders arena. While this is a good idea, the levers are so obvious and the boss is so easy that it completely saps any sort of interest from this encounter.
118. The Last Giant
Gameplay - 2.0 * Lore - 5.1 * Originality - 3.4 * Challenge - 1.2 * Entertainment - 1.8
Total - 13.5/50.0
Listen, I get it. The first boss can't be too challenging. But, I mean, come on, The Last Giant is just pathetic. The only chance he stands is if a bug gets into your eye when your fighting him and his slow-ass attack actually connects with you, he does do a fair bit of damage. From a lore standpoint, the fact that he's the last living giant from the infamous invasion that decimated the nearby castle is pretty cool. Just wish he wasn't such a pushover.
117. Giant Lord
Gameplay - 1.5 * Lore - 7.7 * Originality - 2.3 * Challenge - 1.4 * Entertainment - 1.2
Total - 14.1/50.0
The giant bosses don't fair too well in Souls history with the Giant Lord being particularly disappointing. The opening of the arena has you dodging ballista and avoiding other giants as they smash defending knights. Okay cool, I'm into it. But then, when you actually meet the infamous Giant Lord, you can't even see what he looks like because you're just going to stare at his feet for the entire fight. And not being able to see him becomes ultra annoying when he swings his one-shot capable sword at you without warning. Furthermore, if this is the legendary lord of Giants, you'd think that he'd have a better strategy than slowly waddling in a circle while some random dude whacks away at his ankles. A big missed opportunity here.
116. Old Dragonslayer
Gameplay - 4.2 * Lore - 1.0 * Originality - 0.5 * Challenge - 4.2 * Entertainment - 4.4
Total - 14.3/50.0
Whenever you think about the lore of the Dark Souls series, there are a certain amount of hazy, vague explanations that you have to be willing to accept. Yet, no matter the number of nebulous excuses that I make,
I simply can't justify why the hell Ornstein is here in Drangleic and wielding dark magic. Seriously, out of the many issues I have with Dark Souls II lore, this is one of the biggest. Regardless, the fight is relatively easy but also mildly entertaining, requiring at least basic reflexes to overcome.
115. Champion's Gravetender
Gameplay - 3.5 * Lore - 2.4 * Originality - 2.1 * Challenge - 4.2 * Entertainment - 4.0
Total - 16.2/50.0
As one of only two bosses in the Ashes of Ariandel expansion, the Champion's Gravetender was a huge letdown. Basically, it's an NPC using a new weapons and a giant wolf, the same giant wolf that you had encountered earlier in the DLC. I usually like the recurring nature of some bosses, bosses that you encounter briefly only to fight later, but this seemed like a ham-fisted attempt to capture that magic. I mean the wolf literally just disappears once you do enough damage, no explanation or anything. As for the fight itself,
we're currently moving out of the terrible fights in the series and into simply lackluster ones. The fight is dangerous but chaotically so, like you have no control over the outcome. It suffers from a 'samey' vibe throughout and never really feels fully developed.
114. Celestial Emissary
Gameplay - 2.8 * Lore - 5.0 * Originality - 4.5 * Challenge - 1.5 * Entertainment - 2.7
Total - 16.5/50.0
Got to say, the first time that I encountered the little horde of blue-headed aliens, I was taken aback and truly enjoyed figuring out what the hell was going on. However, in the same way that The Witch of Hemwick becomes stale, so does this, to a lesser extent.
Once the gimmick's up, the challenge is basically gone. However, many aspects of the boss give you pause for thought such as the name 'Celestial Emissary' and the fact that you've met these weird little aliens before. Is this the messenger to the Great Ones or just the Choir's failed attempts at creating a messenger?
113. Ancient Dragon
Gameplay - 1.3 * Lore - 7.4 * Originality - 5.0 * Challenge - 0.7 * Entertainment - 2.2
Total - 16.6/50.0
The terrible, one-shot wonder of Dark Souls II takes form as the Ancient Dragon. He's got an unrealistically massive health pool, every single attack will one-shot all but the tankiest of tanks, and his moveset is predictable and boring. As I write this, I am contemplating moving this boss to a lower number simply because of the poor design on display here. However, I'm going to push forward because he is, after all, incredibly important to the story, he looks badass, and finally, finally killing him gave me a rush that I still think about to this day, just because I knew it was over and I never had to do it again.
112. Aged Smelter Demon
Gameplay - 5.5 * Lore - 0.5 * Originality - 0 * Challenge - 6.8 * Entertainment - 4.8
Total - 17.6/50.0
If you're wondering how a boss can get a zero in originality, this is it. Literally, the Aged Smelter Demon is the same boss that you fight earlier in the game except with a buffed health bar and damage output. It would be copyright infringement if they were stealing from somewhere other than their own game. And the same game nonetheless. Luckily, they decided to copy one of the better bosses in Dark Souls II and the Aged Smelter Demon is actually pretty fun to take down thanks to the exciting base mechanics that actually work and can get the blood pumping.
111. Ceaseless Discharge
Gameplay - 1.2 * Lore - 7.2 * Originality - 5.6 * Challenge - 1.2 * Entertainment - 2.5
Total - 17.7/50.0
Boy, this guy looks intimidating doesn't he? As tall as a skyscraper, he's a giant with spidery, lava tendrils wiggling on his back and a strangely melancholic expression on his ill-formed face. As it turns out, he's not even initially hostile to you but instead is simply watching over his sister's grave. Then you, being the dick you are, plunder her clothes and it's on like Donkey Kong. Unfortunately, the fight itself is stupidly easy, if you know the secret, and oppressively hard if you don't know about it.The complete imbalance of difficulty based on how you approach this fight really hurts Ceaseless Discharge's standing.
110. Flexile Sentry
Gameplay - 3.5 * Lore - 4.1 * Originality - 5.6 * Challenge - 2.8 * Entertainment - 2.5
Total - 18.5/50.0
Stepping into a ship's hold and first seeing the dual-bodied freak known as the Flexile Sentry can be initially intimidating. He strikes quickly with his sword body and powerfully with his mace body. Then the water starts to rise nearly imperceptibly, hampering your movement and roll speed, and the tension rises. Until you hit him. Oh, that's all the health he has? Well, ok, I got this then. Not necessarily a bad boss with the mildly interesting flooding mechanic and freakish look but the ease with which you dispatch him weakens his positive facets.
109. Skeleton Lords
Gameplay - 4.1 * Lore - 3.4 * Originality - 3.4 * Challenge - 3.6 * Entertainment - 4.5
Total - 19.0/50.0
Three skeletons descend from their bony thrones and begin to pursue you, one with scythe, one with mace, and one with pyromancy. Dealing limited damage they're no threat alone but together they become a sizable nuisance. Then after you kill one, a group of weaker skeletons spawn and begin to chase you with the remaining bosses. This forces you to use the two pillars in the boss room for cover and begin picking off the individual skeletons. Overall, the fight is a fairly straightforward but does at least require a basic understanding of the arena and management of resources. A mediocre encounter with a relatively low level of originality (we've all seen skeletons before, crown or no) but that also isn't embarrassing.
108. Armor Spider
Gameplay - 3.2 * Lore - 4.7 * Originality - 4.2 * Challenge - 3.2 * Entertainment - 4.1
Total - 19.4/50.0
Armor Spider guards the final area of world 2-1, perched unmoving at one end of a tunnel, blowing fire and webbing at you as you try and make your way closer to him. This opening can be frustrating as getting caught by some of the webs makes you move too slowly to dodged the next barrage of fireballs. But real frustration comes once you actually make it to the spider. Invulnerable everywhere except his face, you must wait between attacks to strike and one such move detonates the entire area in front of him forcing you back into the tunnel only to have you run back towards him, repeating the opening. However, it's unusually satisfying to beat this bug considering the wonky environment.
107. Lud and Zallen, the King's Pets
Gameplay - 5.9 * Lore - 3.5 * Originality - 2.5 * Challenge - 4.2 * Entertainment - 3.8
Total - 19.9/50.0
After conquering perhaps the most aggravating location in all of the Souls games, you'll find the entrance to a dual boss fight, where you'll battle against two versions of the same boss you encountered earlier. The second won't descend to fight you until you knock the first's health down to half, which does kind of offset the natural unfairness of the battle. Additionally, the second boss has reduced health, which helps you close out this tricky battle. Regardless, fighting two bosses at once that are challenging on their own is pretty vicious, especially considering the hellish run back that you have if you do fall.
It's a long fight, it's a long run back, and both of those factors severely depreciate the fun factor of this fight.
106. Yhorm the Giant
Gameplay - 2.8 * Lore - 8.7 * Originality - 1.5 * Challenge - 3.5 * Entertainment - 4.5
Total - 21.0/50.0
Perhaps the greatest missed opportunity in Dark Souls III, Yhorm the Giant was prominently featured in the opening cinematic, was hyped up considerably by in game items and encounters, and looks completely badass and menacing. Additionally, he is a major part of one of the greatest NPC storylines throughout the game, a harrowing tale of a friend reluctantly fulfilling a promise. However the gimmick that From Software utilizes in this fight is ripped straight from another fight, going as far to use the same name for the sword and it sucks the fun out of the encounter. He's simply too easy and retreads too much ground to be considered a better boss. Truly, this fight could have been something more than a rehash.
105. Scorpioness Najka
Gameplay - 4.8 * Lore - 3.6 * Originality - 2.5 * Challenge - 4.7 * Entertainment - 5.6
Total - 21.2/50.0
"Alright, well, we had a hot lady on a lava-spider in the first game. What can we do in this game to beat it?" "Oh, I know! Attach a hot lady to a scorpion and give her magic! Totally different!" No, it's not From Software, no it's not. Despite this, this battle has a few unique twists and can be a pretty fun to engage in.
Standing on the stone ruins to avoid her underground sand attack is a logic win and cutting off her tail can be surprising and gratifying. The homing nature of her magic can become frustrating as they'll sometimes deal vastly more than they should but, for the most part, Najka is easy to cut down.
104. The Lost Sinner
Gameplay - 5.8 * Lore - 6.2 * Originality - 4.2 * Challenge - 2.3 * Entertainment - 3.1
Total - 21.6/50.0
The greatest tragedy of Dark Souls II is The Lost Sinner. Is it because of the fact that she's continuously being tortured for fiddling with the First Flame? Nope. Is it because she seems to be under the same control from a wriggling insect as the Bed of Chaos? No, it's not that either. It's because, when Dark Souls II initially released, The Lost Sinner was my favorite boss in the entire game. Quick on her feet, she swung with precision, leaving you precious little time to counter attack, forcing you to memorize her attack patterns and react accordingly. It was the moment that I first felt the same glorious sensations that the original Dark Souls inspired in me. Then, the unthinkable happened. From Software nerfed her into the ground. That's right, they took an engaging, fast-paced boss that challenged your senses and forced you to adapt and made her into a shadow of her former self. Nowadays, she's sluggish, recovering from moves far slower, allowing massive windows through which you can attack. Still, the fight is decent, if boring. What a tragedy.
103. Royal Rat Authority
Gameplay - 6.1 * Lore - 2.3 * Originality - 4.2 * Challenge - 4.6 * Entertainment - 4.8
Total - 22.1/50.0
Okay, you're fighting a giant, dog-like rat that's aggessive and challenging. His hits suck out your stamina if blocked and are quick enough to punish those without rapid hand-eye coordination.
So whose brilliant idea was it to put two, smaller rats that can petrify you in the same boss room? That is the definition of artificial difficulty. 'Well, I guess our big boss isn't difficult enough. Let's put two smaller, hyper annoying, rats in the room to make it harder.' No! Don't do that! Some bosses are complemented by minions but aggressive, hardhitting bosses are not them. Look to the Nito fight if you want an example of when it's okay to put minions in the boss room. Regardless, once you kill the dumb, little ratties, the fight with the big rat is actually quite fun.
102. Asylum Demon
Gameplay - 4.3 * Lore - 5.8 * Originality - 5.0 * Challenge - 3.2 * Entertainment - 4.2
Total - 22.5/50.0
The opening boss of Dark Souls surely caught many, myself included, off guard. The initial entrance of just falling into the room is terrifying and confusing, just the way that it's meant to be. However, once you find out that it really just looks dangerous, the thrill of the fight slowly seeps out. Being the first incarnation of demonhood that the player runs into certainly is intriguing and putting the pieces together about the assumption that he smashed Oscar through the roof is a neat little thing to note as well.
101. Vanguard
Gameplay - 2.9 * Lore - 3.8 * Originality - 7.4 * Challenge - 5.2 * Entertainment - 4.2
Total - 23.5/50.0
The Vanguard plays much the same role as the Asylum Demon but for Demon's Souls.
Additionally, it must have taken big, brass balls for From Software to release a new IP where you encounter a basically unkillable boss in the first area.
What's that? Don't like getting killed? Too freaking bad. You better get used to it. When facing him later in the game in the Shrine of Storms, he's still a major pain in the ass, dealing heavy damage with little movement to telegraph his incoming attacks. But he's completely immobile and taking advantage of that is all too easy.
100. Belfry Gargoyles
Gameplay - 6.5 * Lore - 4.2 * Originality - 1.5 * Challenge - 6.4 * Entertainment - 5.5
Total - 24.2/50.0
Rounding out the triple digits is the Belfry Gargoyles, an homage (bordering on rip-off) of their previous Bell Gargoyles fight. The new trick is that you'll have to face six individual gargoyles, with up to three alive at one time. It's a frantic, desperate fight but the necessary randomness of their attacks can sometimes feel overwhelming or unfair. While I enjoyed the fight, it was also bogged down by the familiarity I had with the Bell Gargoyles and the random times when I would die by being stun-locked. Once you realize that you must only kill one at a time to prevent more spawning, the fight becomes much more manageable and, thus, enjoyable in this case.
Phew! That's the first set of bosses ranked! Thanks for reading!
The first time trying to figure out the mechanics of this fight was fairly interesting. That's about as much that can be said about the Witch of Hemwick. Once you understand that there are two of them in the room and that they can go invisible, it just becomes the monotonous matter of finding them, hitting them until they disappear, and then doing over and over again until they die. The rastafarian inspired, sickle wielding monsters that she spawns are so slow that they never really catch you draining any sort of challenge from the fight.
Comments
Post a Comment